Circling in an abyss, with what seems forever; a constant loop of thoughts and emotions; it’s as if we’re screaming at the top of our lungs yet the muffled voice reaching nowhere. Lying in bed, eyes wide open, staring at nothingness; scrolling on and on through the internet, searching endlessly for something we don’t even know; maybe seeking an escape from the haze of constant dialogues in our heads; panic attacks and anxiety, if that’s depression, yes I’ve been there.
It’s not that I sought no help, I did, but all I ever was seen as was ‘weak’. They told me a man shouldn’t shed a tear. Maybe I was weak as they said I was; that I’ll never know.
Thus, for months, I put the yellow mask on, to hide the blue deep inside me; for the world, I was happy, as they wanted me to be; I was fun and not the dark cloud that soaks them in. Thus, I fought alone, my mind a battlefield, because I thought no one understood me, it took an ocean of courage to open up and all I ever got was, ‘get over it’.
“Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is.” Atticus
Even growing up, I was self-abusive, even suicidal at times; partly because of the situations I was in, mostly because I was sensitive, I sensed too much, everything went deep into me. This is the first time I’m sharing this, anywhere or with anyone, just to let you know, we might not be the same, but, we’re not different at all. Well, now that part lives in me, but I don’t ever go to those places, I don’t let him speak; until I have to understand someone who’s going through similar things.
You, the one, fighting this battle, I get you, I understand you, and no you’re not alone. Life is hard; and sometimes we just want to give up, escape this mess. I’m sure you’ve been there, well I have. But EVERYTHING is temporary you see, even our problems. Everything will pass because change is the only thing constant; this too shall pass. Try, try harder to reach out; there will be a few, who will understand you. Break the pattern; don’t even go back to the thoughts that suck you in, read and seek self-development; out of this tunnel, I promise you, you’ll be the strongest you’ve ever been.
Depression alone isn’t enough to trigger a suicide, there must be loneliness. You the one reading this, please build bridges instead of walls, for yourself and others; because someday that bridge will save the life of you or someone you truly care about. Us, we built up societies but not connections; we instantly figure out what’s different, yet rarely take the time to see, deep down, we’re the same. Anybody can judge, but it takes courage to open up.
Be there for someone, be truly there, at least for the people you love. And. Please. Don’t. Ever. Let. Them. Go. Through. This. Alone. Because chances are, there might never be a ‘through it’ if they are forced to; this is a battle between gratitude and regret.