What intrigues you most? What is that which drives you the most? What are you passionate about? What do you want to do in your life? As simple as it sounds, this is probably the most difficult question for most of us. This is the question many have been asking to themselves, some have asked and find the answer and some will be asking this in some time.
Very few have been blessed enough to know what they truly want and are going ahead in life. Most of us, including me, am still unknown about what exactly do we desire, what drives us, what pumps up the adrenaline inside us. Personally, I think, the upbringing in our society has been the greatest obstacle for us. We have been brought up in a very conservative family environment and thinking out of the box has always been considered rebellious. The one who wished to fly gets his/her wings cut off. Some definite careers are thought to be prestigious enough to pursue. Doctor and engineers top the list for most families, while government jobs have also been able to create a hype. The trend has been somewhat being broken these days. I’ve seen people going for Mass Communication, Journalism, Liberal Arts, Major in Economics and various subjects. But it wasn’t always the same.
My Dad always wanted to see me as a Doctor. It was his lifelong dream. And, he would be talking about it with everyone, everyone as in every single person in our life. That was since I was in standard 4 or 5. (I’m a little off with time and dates.) So, I made it my goal as well. I was not of a laborious type but definitely was a quick learner. Never did I really studied hard but always obtained good marks. My sister envies me for this. Passes SLC with distinction and it was a celebration all around. And another of his wish came ahead, he wanted me to get into St. Xavier’s College. Supposedly, the most prestigious college of Nepal.
I fucked up my entrance and was sure of not getting in there. I was frustrated, had none courage to tell my dad that I messed it up. But to my surprise, I was selected there. I was happy because my dad was happy and proud of me. Studied hard and got decent marks in my I Sc exams as well. By that time, I had already realized that being a Medical Doctor is not my cup of tea but what choice did I have. I enrolled into NAME, like most of my classmates or college mates did. Labored hard, but not enough to get a scholarship in IOM. So, it was MOE then. After the IOM exams, I had been completely but detached by the profession of a medical doctor. I didn’t want to be a doctor, not at all. I was fascinated my computers. But my dad wanted that, he consulted with my Uncle about sending me to Bangladesh to study MBBS. For me, it was like I had to do. It was my Dad’s lifelong dream. Do I have the right to thrash his dreams? What I’m now is all because of him, so am I that strong to go against his will, his dream?
One evening we were watching some show on the television and I suddenly told him that I didn’t want to be a doctor. Till date I have no idea how I was able to tell that to him. I was scared to death, I could feel my heart coming out of my mouth. I knew he was going to be mad and furious about it. I almost fainted in those 10-15 seconds of his silence. Then, he asked, “What do you want to study then?” With all my guts and courage, I replied IT. Then he said ok and asked me to search for proper colleges offering a good IT degree.
I was more than happy, I was flying. I think we all have been scared all our life to pursue what we really want, to talk with our parents openly about the things we desire. The things that make us happy. From that day on, my dad has been my best friend. When I’ve to watch football in the middle of the night he has been awake with me all night to watch my favorite team play. He even brings snacks for games.
I did great in my studies as well. Scored an aggregate of 81.5% in my bachelor’s. And yes, I do want to fulfill my dad’s dream. He understood my dream and now I will return the favor. I will do a Ph.D. and write Dr. in front of my name. That will be the best day of my life. The day I will be able to fulfill my father’s wish.