Every Night

Every night before I go to sleep, I take a deep breath. I wonder about where I am in my life. I have a thirst to be perfect in everything. But does perfect exist?

Every night, I wonder if my luck will ever favor me. Will things go smoothly for me, now that I’ve cheated my way in so many things? Will every step of my life become easier after all the hard work I’ve done?

Every night, I think about all the lies I’ve spoken, all the truth I’ve hidden. I hope that things won’t come back to bite me.

Every night before I go to bed, I ponder at the truth of how beautiful this world is, how cruel some situations are and how each and every soul in this earth is wishing for a beautiful life.

Every night, I hope for a better future, a better me, a better world .

The yearning for a better future, a happy future is never out of my mind nor my soul. I’ve always been a firm believer of myself. I don’t believe that the world is completely black or completely white. I’m one of those who believe in the grey area. That perfect blend of good and evil. The position of a neutral. Sometimes I feel like I have to prove to the world, make them listen, force myself to become the center of attention. Despite all the losses in my life, I hate to lose. And hope, I still believe that there’s hope for me to achieve everything I can, become anyone I want to be.

The world, it is a big place. There are people who are either going to step on you or they are going to become your strength. And the only person who’s not going to leave you, is yourself.

I don’t believe in losing hope, in trusting myself. I don’t believe in not taking risks because I’ve been taking a lot of them.

Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t you dare give up on yourself. These are the only words I keep shouting at myself, keep whispering until it feels like lullabies, before I fall asleep, every night in my life.