Close your eyes and tell me what did you see?
Blackout. I saw nothing. Then I tried it again- something black and dark started to get accumulated around my chest and it took the form of a huge black, dark, gloomy and barren mountain. I have always disliked mountains, I felt like I can never associate myself with mountains. No doubt they are majestic, they are beautiful, they are breathtaking too but somehow I can never say I “like” mountain- it doesn’t excite me as much as the rivers ~ that keeps on flowing on and on and on and is not standing stagnant for ages like the mountains.
But something that I saw on my chest was sadly not a flowing river, but it was mountain~ huge mountain and it had no snow, it had no greenery nothing. Never realized that I was carrying a big mountain inside me that is not a very happy mountain, it is a sad mountain, it is a serious mountain. For, how long I have been carrying this mountain inside me? How long did it take to reach the huge height that it has now when I realized it is inside me? What are the things that have piled up to make this huge mountain? This is the pile of the fossils of feelings may be. All those feelings that I can personally feel ~ happiness, sadness, despair, anger, anxiety, fear, love, hate and on and on – maybe all these things make the mountain.
I have always been unaware of my mountain but when I became aware- then I didn’t want to acknowledge the presence of this huge mountain and that also inside me. The anxiety increased as I didn’t want to accept the fact that I have this huge thing that I carry everywhere, something that has been inbuilt in me like the existence of organ in my body~ like my eyes, hands, nose, mouth, stomach- I think it is useless – but hey no it is not useless~ it reminds me of myself from the tiny little me till now ~ as it has stored a lot of emotions ~ the happiness of holding that chocolate ice cream, the happiness after dreaming that parents will buy that pink frock, the sadness of being hated by the teacher, the despair of friends’ departure from life, the people who made you feel miserable~ the anger through which you won many tiny little battles in life~
All and everything may have been accumulated bit my bit and pieces and pieces to be the mountain- to grow as the mountain~ to be “My Mountain” – that I own! “My personal Mountain” ~that no one is allowed to even get a tiny glimpse of – that pristine, clean, majestic mountain that I OWN!!!