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I have a list of medicines I consume every day. There are all sorts of drugs; some chemical ones, some homeopathic; some in tablets others in the form of liquid. They are all scattered in my bed and in every part of my room.

Each time I take them in my hands, I wonder why I am having them. No matter how absurd it might sound, I don’t know their actual purpose. I stand in front of my dressing table, and my eyes shift to reflection of a medical gel on the mirror. I find myself staring at it, forgetting to notice my own face on the mirror. It’s not easy for me to avoid looking at those medicines that are just lying in every corner of my room.

No matter how many times I step out of my room frustrated, I always come back to take them even when I don’t want to. I try to fight, but the drugs always win because I don’t have that strength to bear my pain, without them. Also, by not taking them, I only end up worrying my family.

I would have never imagined that I would end up like this. I had just visited a doctor after I experienced some difficulties. They asked me to do some tests. The next day, when I revisited the doctor with the reports, I could see the doctor staring at them in a very confusing way. As I waited, my heart was beating faster and faster, with thousands of questions popping in my mind.

Finally, I asked him “Do I have some serious illness?” and the reply was “No!”, just a “NO!”. Then, he started writing all the name of drugs. Confused, I asked the again “Is something wrong?” Finally the doctor said “You have …” He said I had some illness—something I had never heard of before—its pronunciation was really tough.

He said, “I have it all written down for you, don’t worry just follow them and you will be fine in no time.” I took the prescription bill and walked out of his office, purchased all the medicines and came home with a bag full of it.

A lot of questions were still left unanswered. I hurriedly went to Google and started searching for answers that would help me understand just what the doctor had said. I tried searching with name of illness, started checking some symptoms, possible causes, their outcomes and precautions. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat when I saw ‘death’ in the list of outcomes. I thought my life was now over and that all I could do was follow the doctor’s orders, strictly. I turned to the medicine bag, took first one out and popped it in my mouth; the first of the many days yet to come.

So far, I have learned that drugs are not enough. I have spent hours on Google and YouTube trying to learn little more about the illness and search for home remedies. All day I would be stressed and fidgety. Then I realized, patients have a hard time when the doctor fails to brief or counsel them properly.

Doctors spend years learning how to treat patients, but it is also their job to speak to the patients, clarify every detail, calm them and make them believe in treatment. So, when doctors don’t communicate with their patients, no amount of medicine eases the doubts in patients. Many end up checking Google endlessly, coming up with absurd conclusions, creating unnecessary fears in them and stressing themselves.

To this day, I have not learned to say it properly. However, all my researches have always concluded on the same thing—many people go through it and they recover with time. And I continue my days, with medicines around the clock, I hope to recover someday.

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