It has been more than two years since I last saw you. I don’t know what kind of person you have grown into. All I can do is open your profile and skim through the changes in your life that I couldn’t be a part of. I can’t tell if your brunette hair, with a hint of golden, still shines when you walk during the broad daylight. Neither do I know if you still tie your shirt by the sleeves around your waist while you walk. With coffee in one hand and the other hand loosely holding the strap of your backpack over your shoulder, do you still walk around the compounds, I wonder! It has been two years, I don’t know a lot. It has been two years, but I remember.[perfectpullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]I, sometimes, try to fathom what could have happened if only you could have seen in me what I saw in you back then. If only you had seen a guy wearing a brown hoodie and jeans on. If only you knew.[/perfectpullquote]
The last bench was never that cozy. But I never preferred any other since I first realized that was the only place I could steal some glances at you without you noticing from the corner of your eyes. The way you squinted your eyes and nose a little bit while you smiled, the way you would tie your hair sometimes making it look like a bun, and the way you would tuck your hair behind your ears whenever it got in your way is mostly what I still remember of that precalculus class. The fact that I never gathered enough courage to talk to you while I could, still haunts me at times.
The autumn leaves falling on the benches would sometimes cover the whole grass patch around it as well. I knew the time for me to leave that place was near when it did. My friends would always ask me to walk up to you and talk to you as we sat there. I would see you pass every now and then to the cafeteria, but I never knew if it was the right time. I was leaving anyway, but there were things that just would not leave my mind. The shy guy from the last bench was giving up one thing for another. He was sitting right there, but he was trying to run from a lot. The shy guy from the last bench was really lonely, but you never saw.
I know this much now, I can’t keep on lamenting for things that time and my heart did not allow me to do. But I do know this, you are happy now. And the latter matters the most. Having a crush on someone for two years was never planned, and neither was this writing, but I guess sometimes you just need to let some things out to feel a bit better. I know I will see you soon, I know what I am going to say when we meet. Now I finally know a lot of things. I finally learned. I know what comes next; the right time. Never.